Sensational Quotes for Smart People


Quotations about Marriage 

Marriage Image

 First Top-10 List of Sensational

Quotations about Marriage

#1 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.
— Gloria Swanson

#2 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

After you marry, every asset either of you acquires is jointly held. That's why you both need to be in sync on your long-term financial goals, from paying off the mortgage to putting away for retirement. Ideally, you should talk about all this before you wed. If you don't, you can end up deeply frustrated and financially spent.
— Suze Orman

#3 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

In Hollywood, all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes problems.
— Shelly Winter

#4 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you're trying to save money for when you split up your property.
— Dave Barry

#5 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Never have your wife in the morning — the day may have something better to offer.
— P. V. Taylor

#6 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Seeing unhappiness in the marriage of friends, I was content to have chosen music and laughter as a substitute for a husband.
— Elsa Maxwell

#7 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

If we did not look to marriage as the principal source of happiness, fewer marriages would end in tears.
— Anthony Storr

#8 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.
— Don Herold

#9 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
— Robert Orben

#10 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.
— Helen Rowland

There are people who will like the marriage quotes on this webpage and there are those who won't.

Lynn, who wrote the following letter to me, would like these quotes, I believe. 


I am reading your book The Joy of Not Being Married.

I love it.

Thanks for convincing me that I am normal.

Married twice. Divorced twice. I have put my life on hold, waiting for that perfect person to come along. I have finally realized my mistake. Now I have to make up for lost time.

A big thank you!!!


The book Lynn mentioned is no longer in print. But you may be interested in my international bestseller How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, I would advise you to buy it immediately, particularly if you fear retirement.


 Second Top-10 List of Sensational

Quotations about Marriage

#1 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Women, deceived by men want to marry them; it is a kind of revenge as good as any other.
— Phillipee De Remi Beaunanoir

#2 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Separately, foreign marriages and whisky are bad; mixed, they are fatal.
Mark Twain

#3 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better.
— Amanda Cross

#4 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
— Henny Youngman

#5 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
— Rodney Dangerfield

#6 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

I have that. I have a lot of friends who are around. I'm having a wonderful time in my life now with my platonic relationships with men and women, because when that sexual tension is off the requirement of the interplay, then you get to who the people really are, and to yourself."
— Shirley MacLaine at 74

#7 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marraige.
— Dr. Karl Bowman

#8 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage.
— George Bernard Shaw

#9 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor

#10 of Top Ten Sensational Quotes about Marriage

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night.
— Carrie Snow

More Sensational Quotes about

Marriage for Smart People 

Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next." So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
— Unknown wise person

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
— Mae West

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde

It's my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her. Discipline must be maintained.
— Charles Dickens

There are two kinds of marriages — where the husband quotes the wife, or where the wife quotes the husband. 
— Clifford Odets

Advice to the bridegroom: No matter how she treats you, always try to look a little hurt.
— Unknown wise person

Of course there is such a thing as love, or there wouldn't be so many divorces.
— Ed Howe

When the blind lead the blind, no wonder they both fall into — matrimony.
— George Farquhar

Marriage is perhaps the most expensive way to get advice for nothing.
— Unknown wise person

I shall marry in haste and repeat at leisure.
— James Branch Cabell

I would be married, but I'd have no wife.
I would be married to the single life.
— Richard Crashaw (Poet in 17th Century)

Men always wanted to get married, in my experience. So I stayed married to Steve so that I wouldn't marry them. I didn't like the idea of marriage. I find it too compromising, too confining. My parents had a 55-year bad marriage. I never knew anyone in a happy marriage.
— Shirley MacLaine at 74

Love is much better when you are not married.
 — Maria Callas

There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.
— C. S. Lewis

I am glad I am not a man, for then I should have to marry a woman.
— Madame de Staël, French writer, literary patron, and critic

Women now get men's wages, but they always have.
— Unknown wise person

Common sense could prevent most divorces — also most marriages.
— Unknown wise person

A new report says there is diminishing interest in marriage — mainly from married people.
David Letterman

It was so cold I almost got married.
— Shelly Winters

My former wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million dollars.
— Bobby Hull (Hockey player with Chicago Black Hawks and Winnipeg Jets)

It is better to be laughed at for not being married than to be unable to laugh because you are.
— Unknown wise person

In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice; because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.
— Lord Chesterfield

Some people think the proper age for a man to start thinking of marriage is when he's old enough to realize he shouldn't.
— Unknown wise person

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America."
— Helen Rowland

Men and women — even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.
— Mark Twain

Let there be spaces in your Togetherness. 
— Kahlil Gibran

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
— Unknown wise person

Marriage is for those who have given up the struggle.
— Quentin Crisp

How marriage ruins a  man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and
far more expensive.
Oscar Wilde

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
— Mickey Rooney

Never get married in the morning — you never know who you might meet that night.
— Paul Hornung

Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
— Unknown Wise Person

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
— American Proverb

A man is not a financial retirement plan. But for a troubling number of women, finding themselves without a man in their later years could be poor planning indeed.
— Annette Sampson, writing in the Sydney Morning Herald

He that goes far to marry, will either deceive or be deceived.
— Benjamin Franklin 

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
— Voltaire

Honesty has ruined more marriages than infidelity.
— Charles McCabe

If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with him after dinner.
— Stephanie Brush

Marriage is ridiculous.
— Goldie Hawn

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce.
— Susan Vass 

Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble.
— Albert Brooks

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
— Isadora Duncan

One man's folly is another man's wife.
— Helen Rowland

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.
— Cher

I believe in the institution of marriage and I intend to keep trying until I get it right.
— Ricard Pryor

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.
— Peter De Vries

Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
— Helen Rowland

Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes.
— Robert Louis Stevenson

I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.
— Lord Byron 

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
— Rita Rudner

Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
— Ambrose Bierce

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest-never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and
brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
— Ann Landers

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
— Oscar Wilde

How to Be Happy Though Married (Download for Free)
— Book Title by E. J. (Edward John) Hardy , 1849-1920 

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her, or she'll take it anyway.
— Darcey Adams

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor

If you're going to break up with your old lady and you live in a small town, make sure you don't break up at three in the morning. Because you're screwed — there's nothing to do ... So make it about nine in the morning.... bullshit around, worry her a little, then come back at seven in the night.
— Lenny Bruce

It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.
— Betty Friedan

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
— Oscar Levant

When you're married to someone, they take you for granted . . . when you're living with someone it's fantastic ... they're so frightened of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the time.
— Nell Dunn

The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method for getting acquainted.
— Heywood Broun

When you're bored with yourself, marry, and be bored with someone else.
— David Pryce Jones

Marriage is an arrangement by which two people start by getting the best out of each other and often end by getting the worst.
— Gerald Brenan, Thoughts in a Dry Season, 1978

It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.
— Quentin Crisp, How To Become a Virgin, 1981

After your marriage, my dear, unpleasant things are bound to happen, but take no notice. I never did.
— Anonymous aristocrat, advice to her daughter

The glances over cocktails That seemed to be so sweet
Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat.
— Anon

Marriage is an attempt to change a night owl into a homing pigeon.
— Anon

Marriage is two people agreeing to tell the same lie.
— Karen Durbin

One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry.
— Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
— Oscar Wilde

I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor woman a very doubtful happiness.
— Victoria, Queen of Great Britain

And so they were married —
to be more together —
And found they were never again so much together —
Divided by the morning tea,
By the evening paper,
By children and tradesmen's bills.
— Louis MacNeice

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
— H.L. Mencken

Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
— Bertrand Russell

We're looking for somthing to fix our marriage. I'm in Barnes & Noble, he's in Home Depot.
— Woman talking on a cell-phone in Glasbergen cartoon

Marriage is like a besieged fortress. Everyone outside wants to get in, and everyone inside wants to get out.
— Quitard

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her, "What's the matter, can't you think of anybody either?"
— Rodney Dangerfield

I feel miserable since my wife left me — in fact, it's like having her here with me.
— Unknown wise person

Asked when a man should marry: For a young man, not yet; for an old man, never at all.
— Diogenes

The man who marries for money earns it.
— Unknown wise person

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
— Michel de Montaigne

Marriage is good for nothing but to make friends fall out.
— Thomas Shadwell, The Sullen Lovers, 1668

Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
— William Congreve

Every man plays the fool once in his life, but to marry is to play the fool all one's life long.
— William Congreve, The Old Bachelor, 1693

Tho' marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools.
— William Congreve

What cloying meat is love, when matrimony's the sauce to it.
— John Vanbrugh, The Provok'd Wife, 1697

Never marry a widow unless her first husband was hanged.
— James Kelly, Scottish proverbs, 1721

Keep thy Eyes wide open before Marriage, and half shut afterwards.
— Thomas Fuller

His designs were strictly honourable, as the phrase is: that is, to rob a lady of her fortune by way of marriage.
— Henry Fielding

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

It is possible, though not very probable, that there may be joy in marriage.
— Lord Chesterfield, Letters to his Son, 1774

'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.
— Richard Brinsley Sheridan

A gentleman who had been very unhappy in marriage married immediately after his wife died: Johnson said it was the triumph of hope over experience.
— Samuel Johnson

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Marriage is a good thing, and so is a bone for a dog; but if you tied it to his tail it will drive him mad.
— Colonel George Hanger

For the butterfly, mating and propagation involve the sacrifice of life, "for the human being, the sacrifice of beauty.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Next to being married a girl likes to be crossed in love now and then.
— Jane Austen

A system could not well have been devised more studiously hostile to human happiness than marriage.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley, Queen Mab (notes), 1813

Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
— Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1820

Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.
— Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage, 1829

The married woman is a slave whom one must be able to set upon a throne.
— Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage, 1829

The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.
— Heinrich Heine

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Advice to persons about to marry — don't.
— Mr Punch's Almanac

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.
— Samuel Rogers

Marriage is at best a dangerous experiment.
— Thomas Love Peacock

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.
— Benjamin Disraeli

Every woman should marry — and no man.
— Benjamin Disraeli, Lothair, 1870

If we take matrimony at its lowest ... if we regard it as no more than a sort of friendship recognised by the police.
— Robert Louis Stevenson

You may carve it on his tombstone, you may cut it on his card That a young man married is a young man marred.
— Rudyard Kipling

The honeymoon is the period when the bride still trusts the groom's word of honour.
— Anonymous

If we men married the women we deserve, we should have a very bad time of it.
— Oscar Wilde

Many a promising career has been wrecked by marrying the wrong sort of woman.
— Robertson Davies

What do I know about sex? I'm a married man.
— Tom Clancy

It's difficult to tell who gives some couples the most happiness, the preacher who married them or the judge who divorced them.
— Unknown wise unmarried person

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.
— Unknown wise observant person

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
— Rodney Dangerfield

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
— Cyril Connolly

One does not find happiness in marriage, but takes happiness into marriage.
— Unknown wise person

You know why divorce costs so much? Because it is worth it!
— Dan O'Brien

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or, you can get married and wish you were dead.
— Unknown Wise Person

If a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky.
— Deborah Kerr

I'd like a clause in my marriage vows that allows me to be single one week a month.
— Unknown wise person

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
— Elayne Boosler

I used to be well read and in great physical shape before marriage. Now I am coping with a wife who says I don't spend enough time with her, three kids, working sixty hours a week, visiting friends, relatives and in-laws, and running errands all weekend. I don't have even a minute for myself for the things I really love to do.
— Unknown wise person

Books and marriage go ill together.
— Molière

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
— H. L. Mencken

I have no wish for a second husband. I had enough of the first. I have to have my own way — to lie down mistress, and get up master.
— Susanna Moodie

Just because a girl's married ain't no sign she hasn't loved and lost.
— kin Hubbard

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
— Anton Chekhov

I think it can be stated without denial that no man ever saw a man he would be willing to marry if he were a woman.
— George Gibbs

It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
— George Bernard Shaw

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
— George Ade

When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a living.
— Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909

Even if a man was delightful, no woman would marry him if she knew what he was like.
— E.F. Benson, Paul, 1906

Marriage: the conventional ending of a love affair. A lonesome state.
— Oliver Herford and John Clay, Cupid's Cyclopedia, 1910

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar — a practice which is still continued.
— Helen Rowland

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
— Helen Rowland

Marriage — a souvenir of love.
— Helen Rowland

Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising.
— Edgar Watson Howe

Marriage is distinctly and repeatedly excluded from heaven. Is this because it is thought likely to mar the general felicity?
— Samuel Butler

In matrimony to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
— Samuel Butler

The conjugal bedroom is the coexistence of brutality and martyrdom.
— Karl Kraus

If people waited to know each other before they were married, the world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated.
— W. Somerset Maugham

When a man marries it is no more than a sign that the feminine talent for persuasion and intimidation ... has forced him into a more or less abhorrent compromise with his own honest inclinations and best interests.
— H.L. Mencken

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.
— Edmond About

Women are always anxious to urge bachelors to matrimony; is it from charity or revenge?
— Gustave Vapereau

To marry a woman who you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.
— Alfred Capus

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.
— Elbert Hubbard

A marriage is likely to be what is called happy if neither party ever expected to get much happiness out of it. Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals, 1929
Many a necklace becomes a noose.
— Paul Eldridge

There are various forms of a certain disease, the victim of which is unable to say, `No'. Some of these forms are more serious than others and often lead to electrocution or marriage.
— Robert Benchley

Marriage is the waste paper basket of the emotions.
— Sidney Webb

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of" the art of insincerity possible between two human beings.
— Vicki Baum

Very few modern women either like or desire marriage, especially after the ceremony has been performed. Primarily women wish attention and affection. Matrimony is something they accept when there is no alternative. Really, it is a waste of time, and hazardous, to marry them. It leaves one open to a rival. Husbands, good or bad, always have rivals. Lovers, never.
— Helen Lawrenson

Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.
— J.B. Priestley

The complaints which anyone voices against his mate indicate exactly the qualities which stimulated attraction before marriage.
— Dr Rudolf Dreikurs

All married women should make a habit of saying, `In spite of everything dear, I'm still devoted to you.'
— Eric Linklater

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they would be married too.
— M. L. Mencken

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
— Virginie des Rieux

There is probably nothing like living together for blinding people to each other.
— Ivy Compton-Burnett

Love, for too many people in our time, consists of sleeping with a seductive woman, one who is properly endowed with the right distribution of curves and conveniences, and one upon whom a permanent lien has been acquired through the institution of marriage.
— Ashley Montagu

Marriage is a vulgar effort on the part of dull people to bring boredom to a fine art.
— J.B. Morton

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.
— George Jean Nathan

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.
— William Shakespeare

A fool and her money are soon married.
— Unknown wise person

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
— Kin Hubbard

Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.
— William Shakespeare

Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
— Groucho Marx in the movie Duck Soup

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.
— Cesare Pavese

No matter her past, when a chambermaid marries a lord she becomes a lady.
— Latin proverb

Never let a domestic quarrel ruin a day's writing. If you can't start the day fresh, get rid of your wife.
— One of Mario Puzo's rules for writing a best-selling novel

Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the married estate. . . . Remember the nightingales which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched their eggs, as if their mirth were turned into care for their young ones.
— Thomas Fuller

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
— Max Kauffmann

The first part of our marriage was very happy But then, on the way back from the ceremony . . .
— Henny Youngman

There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.
— Samuel Johnson

If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with him after dinner.
— Stephanie Brush

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